Something rustling beneath the skin (copied from my other blog)

I lay in bed last night. Clock read 3 a.m. , then 4 a.m., the 5 something. My mind filled with moments I cannot recall now. Just the muted resonance of their presence before remains. Tones of melancholy, curiosity, and elusiveness. Woke up at 6:45a.m., felt like I had been kidnapped and bounced around the trunk of someone's car for a long drive. Fumbled into the bathroom like bulky clay not formed into any kind of elegance. Body to the wall, heavy clay. Lifting into necessary movement. Mirror shows a strange rendition of me. Getting older yet curiously young at the same time. Holy hair. Actually, nothing holy about it. Downright fucked up really. Shower feels like comfort from an unbiased friend helping the spirit open up again. Ushering me into clothes and the less worn version of me to begin the day. Can't help but sing in the car as I do every morning when I drive to work. Driving 55 exactly. People whizzing by at 70 or 80 mile per hour. I drive 55 not because I'm compulsive or even a boring prude. It's because I don't want to shave off any more of what little time is left before we kill our planet. 55 is a whole lot more environmentally friendly than faster. Less gas, emition, etc. Tough at first but when I feel uncomfortable, standing out among the ants in my maroon Mazda going at it's steady pace, I sing to pass the time. Melodies that fall out of the morning light dripping from trees, industrial chimneys, and other objects along my way. New songs everyday. The faces of people driving by me; hurried, missing what is passing, determined to arrive quickly to mundane. There's a lot I am given on these drives. Music, visual ideas, travel to awareness that reminds me that living is meaningful. Today is not like others recently. I feel muted. Weighted. Something rustles beneath the skin but I do not know what. Full but empty. Yearning for something I cannot define. I think floating in the water among the mountains, like I was inspired to feel by Tali's journal today, is what I want. World above, secret world below, embraced in a mystical completion.